Life Decisions

While I was driving by Capital, my undergrad alma mater, I couldn’t help but think about how much easier life was when I was starting college. All my worries were what I was going to wear the first day, did I have the right parking permit and would I know anyone in non-conservatory classes.

Now, school is starting again and I am filled with different thoughts. I decided that I could not go back to Boston, and looking at the amount I owe the government for one year of schooling there, it is quite justifiable. But, was it the right decision to even continue this seemingly selfish performance path?

My worries now consist of how I am going to pay for my insurances, the gas to travel back and forth, trying to get a hold of people to find out when I can register, what I am suppose to register for and to beg beg beg BEG for an assistantship or job that would allow me to not be in so much debt.

While this is going on, I can’t help but wonder about my relationships with friends and family. I feel torn in so many directions and while I have the best intentions, I feel like I am slipping away from some of the people I hold so close to my heart. To those of you that I have not contacted in a long time, I am afraid the cliché of “it’s not you, it’s me” fits the bill in this case.

And while life and seasons are starting to change, I find myself joking about where my future is going. Have you ever known that something was going to happen, but it takes so long that hope begins to die? I don’t want to believe because I have been waiting patiently and I feel like it will never come about.

Now that I have thoroughly confused you, I hope that life is fill with more certainty than mine at the present. Am I doomed to never be content? I suppose that is my family legacy.